August 23, 2012

My dearest,

I’ve been a bad, bad boy. Haven’t gone to the gym in ages. Been eating too much sugary stuff, too many carbs, too much, period.

You say you oughta buy a cane and whip me into shape.

Oh dear. I’m terrified.

Then I look down at my — say it all together now, boys and girls: “ever-expanding waistline” — and I wonder if the cane isn’t a good idea after all.

Yours, ever and always.