July 31, 2018

My dearest,

I’m sick in bed. All I can muster is watching your favourite show, SOTUS The Series, on YouTube.

It’s the episode where Arthit and Kongpob attend their seniors’ wedding. Where Arthit asks his senior, the groom, how does one know. Where Arthit runs out to catch Kongpob before he leaves. Where Kongpob surprises him by appearing from out of the blue, as usual. Where Arthit drags Kongpob to a roadside stall for supper without telling him why, where he gives Kongpob the meatballs from his bowl of spicy (naturally) noodles just cos he knows Kongpob likes meatballs.

How can you stand watching this over and over, I wonder. The always appearing in front of each other when the other least expects it, the food torture – the way Arthit would always make Kongpob eat his spicy noodles or spicy krapao, the incessant flirting and teasing.

Aren’t we both too old for this?

Then they walk to the Rama VIII Bridge. The lights are beautiful at night. It feels like this could continue forever – one leading, the other following, with no end in sight. And then:

Arthit: Honestly, aren’t you tired at all? You have to chase after me like this. And you have no clue where I’m heading to or when I will stop. Even I don’t know what lies ahead of me.

Kongpob: Be it far or near, I still want to be there for you, P’Arthit.

Arthit: But you know, right? That I’m a guy and you are also a guy.

Kongpob: Yes.

Arthit: And you also know, right? That I’m your senior. And you are my junior.

Kongpob: Yes, I know.

Arthit: And you know, right? That I like to drink pink milk. And you know, right? That I can be incredibly stupid sometimes. I can be really selfish. I whine a lot. I get annoyed easily. I’m just a laid-back kind of guy; I can wake up really late at any day. Knowing all of this: Can you accept who I am?

Kongpob: Yes, I can. What about you? Can you accept me?

Arthit: I don’t know you well enough, Kongpob.

And then there is a dramatic pause. (Of course, there is.) Crestfallen face. But not for long:

Arthit: But I want to know you more.

Kongpob: What do you mean?

Then, though this is telegraphed a mile away, it is still astonishing, given his reticence, Arthit pulls Kongpob in for a kiss. You can see Kongpob grinning mid-kiss after a second of shock. The theme song trills: “Just know it in our own heart. Just the two of us is enough. It’s more than love. No words could ever express…”

Arthit: That’s my answer.

Kongpob: Hold on, P’Arthit. I didn’t hear your answer loud enough. Can I have it one more time?

Arthit: Hell, no!

Saccharine overload, I might have said once. But I’m no longer the grumpy cynic I was when I was younger. I met you and I understand now that the years are always too short, that they pass too swiftly, for any to be wasted on cynicism.

I get why you’d watch SOTUS over and over, and baby, I want to watch it with you always.

Yours, ever and always.